As I was saying

9th September, 2008

Before I did my first book signing I thought it sounded rather glamourous.  I didn't quite go as far as imagining huge queues of people desperate to buy a signed copy of my book, but I did sort of think that people might be interested in buying a book from the actual author.

Can I just say that they are not.  Well, not really. 

Apparently the average number of books sold at a signing is 3.

So - the reality is that you sit behind a desk for four hours and sell three books which equates to about £2.00 in royalties.  This then is not a good earning idea or use of your time.

However - if you're gonna do it - then do it right, as WHAM! might have said - and so here are my top tips for what seems to work for me on signings.

(BEARING IN MIND NO-ONE HAS HEARD OF ME - IF YOU ARE JK ROWLING THEN PROBABLY NOT SUCH USEFUL TIPS)

1. Book good weather. On a lovely sunny day there may be less people in the store - but they are happy people who are uplifted by the sunshine and want to share their happiness. They will therefore be more inclined to buy your book.  If it is raining then they are pretty much in the shop to escape the weather and are grumpy and they don't want some strange writer woman talking to them...oh no.

2. Sign on a match day/sporting event day!  It is a truth universally acknowledged that women buy novels, and that women lie to their partners about their spending.  Therefore you need to get the men out of the way so that the women can impulse buy to their hearts content.  (I know that makes me sound like a bad feminist but it has been my observation). 

3. Have stuff to give away - Readers' Guides, bookmarks, pens, cash, your soul - whatever it takes.  People like free things and even if they just take the stuff..you never know they may later buy you on amazon...maybe.

4. Think about what you wear.  In the absence of any other information on your novel the first thing that the punters will do is check you out - so at least try and look interesting.  I'm not saying wear a scuba outfit or anything - but for my last signing I inadvertently dressed a little like a social worker/teacher (again I apologise to all of you who are) and it worked against me.  If you look a bit boring then why should they buy your book.

Maybe this is why so many writers wear a snazzy little scarf and giant amber jewellery - Hmmmm.

I'm gonna wear jeans and a Bob Dylan T shirt next time - make them think I'm like totally rock and roll.  

5. Keep your chin up!  It is so disheartening when after an hour you have only sold two copies - or none!  But keep smiling, go out and chat to people, hand out your leaflets - and wonders will happen!  I console myself with fantasies about how the woman who just bought my novel is probably the sister-in-law of Jonny Geller/famous literary agent type person, and having been uttlery blown away by amazing prose and talent - she will no doubt wax lyrical about the novel to him and hey my mobile will be ringing anytime in the next few days with a seven figure deal being offered...And if not, well, there will be something learned right?

Personally I'm finding the whole being a writer journey a revelation.  In the last few weeks I have felt elated and suicidal. So dull that I could curl up on the bathroom floor and then a few days later the belle of the ball...it is if nothing else a whole load of new experiences/mistakes to be made.

I had got so bored of making the same old mistakes it is nice to have some new ones! 

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